Since they were old enough to understand the concept, I have made it clear to my children that "there’s no such thing as ‘free’."  I do this wherever and whenever the opportunity presents itself, and I love the weird looks I get from people in stores; people who, based on their facial expressions,  clearly think that my brain is on fire and that worms are crawling out of my ears. 

Simply, there is opportunity cost associated with every transaction.  And in most cases, when an advertiser uses the word "free" what they really mean is "at no additional monetary cost".  This is what I tell my children: if you have to spend money to get it, then it isn’t "free".

Not everything advertised as free costs money, however.  Well, at least not up front!  Some time ago someone clued me in to the existence of Freecycle.  Anyone can join and post stuff they want, or stuff they want to give away.  It’s for people who realize that someone might actually want that "piece of crap" they would otherwise throw away.  So they give it away.  This isn’t eBay.  There’s no bidding, no money, and no shipping.  If you want someone else’s crap, you have to go get it.  And the first one there wins.

A couple of weeks ago someone posted that they had a Kenmore portable dishwasher.  By its description it was in very good shape, but it did not drain.  I contacted the poster and he said someone else was scheduled to pick it up, but that if that didn’t work out I was next in line.  A few days later I got another e-mail: "Come and get it!"  I set a date and time and was off to get my "free" dishwasher!

Here is what this thing actually cost me:

• I don’t have a truck, and my Van is currently in need of some service, so I had to borrow a truck.  My friend Tom was nice enough to not only let me use his truck, but he went with me to pick up the dishwasher as well!  Cost: Tom’s time, my time, and mileage on his truck.
• 3 trips to the hardware store.  I tested it and, as reported, it did not drain.  But to test it I had to hook it up to my kitchen sink’s faucet.  IN order to do THAT I needed the sink spout adapter, which was NOT supplied.  It took me three tries to get the right fittings.  Cost: about an hour of my time, $6.50, and 5 miles on my car.
• 1 trip to Lowe’s, and 1 trip to Radio Shack.  Having (incorrectly) deduced that there was something plugging the drain hose, I needed long, think needle-nose pliers to extract that which I "felt" to be the blockage.  I ended up with forceps from Radio Shack.  Cost: 4 miles on my car and about $10.00.
• The "blockage" turned out to be some kind of "flap" which I presume prevents backflow into the dishwasher or something.  But it wasn’t the cause of the blockage.  Further analysis revealed a suspect impeller at the bottom of the unit.  I made a post to Sears online "expert" support forum along with a couple of pictures and in less than 2 days someone confirmed my diagnosis.  I ordered a new impeller.  Cost: Half an hour of my time and about $16.00.

Yesterday I installed the new impeller.  Having a new part to compare to the old part made it obvious what the problem had been.  I fired it up and it works just great!  For the first time in over 15 years, I have the luxury of a dishwasher!  It’s a nice unit, can be retro-fitted into our existing cabinetry if we ever want to, and gives us a little more kitchen counter space!

But it was in no way "free"!!

I woke up and went online to check in with Delta and confirm our seating and to acquire our boarding passes.  I received notification that one of our flights had been oversold.  Given how wiped out we were, we decided to breakfast, check out of the hotel close to 11, and then just go to the airport a full 11 hours before our flight.  We decided this for a couple of reasons:  1) Given that our flight was oversold, we thought that Delta might appreciate volunteers and that they might get us home EARLIER than we had planned, and 2) the Las Vegas airport is a veritable castle of entertainment in its own right, and we could easily kill the time exploring if we wanted.

The place was JAMMED!  All of the check-in counters for all airlines had incredibly long lines.  Thankfully we had no baggage to check so we side-stepped all of that.  We found out later that all those people were victims of the week’s horrible weather, which had closed airports and cancelled connecting flights all over the place.  They were just now finally getting to go wherever it was they were going. 

We also found out that you can only volunteer to abandon an oversold flight when the airline calls for volunteers, which only happens when they realize that they don’t have enough room for everyone on the plane.  Oh well.  We explored, watched some Star Trek, ate, and caught our original flight.

A note about what I’ll call "pseudo-checking" your luggage.  You’re allowed two carry-on items on most airlines.  However, if the plane you’re taking is one of the smaller models, the overhead compartments of and into which one of your bags will not fit, you can tag your bag at the gate and leave it at the end of the breezeway and they will stick it in the belly of the plane for you and remove it at the end of that flight, putting it back on the breezeway for you.  I did that last month on the trip to Arkansas, and I did that on the trip to Vegas.  There were no problems.  The plane we were taking from Vegas to Detroit was large-ish, but they were making please at the gate to have people put as much stuff as possible under the seat in front of them.  (They’ve done this to themselves, and I’m not sure they even realize it.  They now charge a small fortune to check baggage, so it’s no wonder people are cramming as much as they can into carry-on items!)  So I figured I’d be noble and magnanimous and volunteer to pseudo-check my larger bag.  Apparently, when you do this on a big plane it’s the same as if you had formally "checked" that bag.  She asked what our final destination was, and I didn’t say Syracuse.  I told her, "I want this bag back in Detroit," thinking I was telling her I wanted it back on the breezeway along with the walkers and baby strollers that eventually would appear there.  Alas, they put it in with all the other checked baggage, and we had to exit security at Detroit, fetch the damn bag, and re-enter security.  *sigh*

Other than that annoyance, the trip home was uneventful.  Taking the overnight flight with "poor" sleep was a great cure for jet lag.  Sleep came very easily last night and I write this from work this morning feeling mostly refreshed, my body not at all "confused" as it was that first morning in Vegas. 

I have some comments about the "Vegas Experience", but I’ll save them for a later post.

Day 5

Amanda’s stomach wasn’t feeling the greatest this morning.  I ran across the street to McDonald’s to grab breakfast for me, coffee for her, and returned where we relaxed and watched videos on the computer.  I left her to play in the 10:00 daily poker tournament.  I again did not place well, but I played well and had fun.  By the time I got back, Amanda was feeling better and we went out. 

We booked tickets for the DInner and Tournament at Excalibur.  We then boarded the "Deuce", which is a public bus that does nothing but go up and down the Strip all day.  We rode it up to downtown and looked around Fremont Street.  Compared to where we are staying and have spent most of our time, this section of Las Vegas seems very, very…"tired".  While there’s a lot to see, it’s not nearly as well kept up as the lower strip.  I would not feel comfortable walking there at night. 

We made it back down to the south end of the strip in plenty of time for the dinner and tournament.  I was less-than-enchanted by the nickel-and-diming that went on (I’ll write more about that in a later post), but the entertainment was awesome.  Real horses and riders having an extremely well-rehearsed and well-choreographed "tournament" right in front of us.  There was not a bad seat in the house.  I dare say it was one of the highlights of our trip!

Before coming we had planned on seeing The Lion King, which is playing right here in our casino.  At this point in the trip, however, we have seen (and spent!) so much, it seems almost frivolous to do so.  We’re probably just going to relax tomorrow and keep things low-key.

———-

Day 6

Low-key indeed.  We lounged around the hotel room for much of the morning.  I left in search of the concierge to make sure the hotel would let us check our bags after checkout tomorrow, as we have a very late flight and don’t want to be lugging them around all day.  I looked at the hotel’s gift shop and then went next door to the Luxor to play some cash poker.  I did well, leaving the table with $126 more than I started with.  On the way back to the room I shoved a little money into a slot machine in Mandalay Bay and made another $50.  Not bad!

Amanda and I walked over to the Hooters Hotel and Casino to have a late lunch/early dinner and to generally check the place out (as we’ve been doing with all the hotels).  They have a neat pool area with a large water fall! 

Tomorrow is checkout.  We’re ready to go home.  We have tentative plans to take a tour bus dedicated to sight seeing, and to stop and at least look around in the Venetian, currently the largest hotel in the world.

Yesterday (Tuesday) we booked a tour to Hoover Dam for today.  The bus picked us up a little after 9 with only a minimal amount of confusion.  (Thankfully, we chose to give them my cell phone number.)  We made several more pickups and were delivered to the basement of Planet Hollywood where we disembarked, paid the balance of our tour fee, and boarded another motor coach.  Our tour guide, Steve, was incredibly well-versed in all things Vegas and the surrounding area.  Our trip was accompanied by a non-stop narrative about the history of Las Vegas and, as we approached it, Hoover Dam.

I have seen several documentaries on the building of Hoover Dam and knew everything they were telling us already.  But nothing can prepare you for the sheer enormity of the thing.  I mean, MY GOD, it’s HUGE!  We took the elevator down into one of the two turbine rooms.  It was amazing to see all the stuff I’d only seen on TV.  As we left the lower levels and were in the elevator, our tour guide (a man with quite a sense of humor) informed us of the following: "If you go out on top of the dam and look down, you’ll see the area you just left.  If you lean over a little more, you’ll RETURN TO the area you just left.  [laughter]  It happens more often than you think.  Usually to husbands."  Then he looks right at Amanda, who is standing next to him, and says, "Weren’t you here last year with another guy?"  The look on Amanda’s face was priceless.

We left the guided tour and walked across the top of the dam, taking lots of pictures.  It’s funny to me that if you decide to go to the top of the Empire State Building, there are all sorts of gates and fences to keep you from plunging to your doom.  But at Hoover Dam, there’s nothing more than a waist-high wall between you and certain death. 

The views of the dam and the gorge were impressive, but as we left the dam our bus stopped at the Lake Mead Overlook.  WOW.  The view there was incredible.  We had clear blue sky and practically no smog.  The view of the lake and the valley was stupendous.  I could have stood there for hours just soaking it all in. 

On the way back we stopped at the Ethel M (as in "M"ars) Chocolate Factory, grabbed a free sample, surveyed the botanical gardens (at a chocolate factory?) and got back on the bus for the hotel.  We rested up and decided to try and track down the "Deuce", a dirt-cheap public bus that runs up to downtown where we thought it would be nice to see the Fremont Street Experience.  Well, it was early evening and that thing was packing the riders in like sardines.  We decided not to pursue that line of entertainment and instead took the elevator to the top of Paris, Las Vegas’ Eiffel Tower.  The views were awesome!  When we got down we caught the fountain show at Bellagio across the street and then went in search of food.  We walked into several places, but ended up at a place called Battista’s Hole In The Wall Italian restaurant.  WOW.  This was my kind of place!  The originator (now dead) appeared to make a habit of keeping every knick-knack he ever came across, bringing it to his restaurant, and either displaying it in cases or nailing it to the wall and/or ceiling.  There were hats, little glass bottles, baskets of all sizes, fish nets, hundreds of celebrity photos, and even a boat.  As if all this ambience weren’t enough, a tiny 80 year-old man came around and serenaded us with an accordion. 

We left there stuffed and resolved to walk all the way back to our hotel (at least a mile, maybe more) in order to burn off some of that dinner.  We made it back and fell asleep quickly.

I decided it would be a good idea to journal our daily adventures on our Honeymoon.  We’re in Las Vegas staying at Mandalay Bay.  Today I recorded days 1-3, and plan to author entries daily for the rest of the trip, though I might net have handy access with which to upload/post them.  In-room ‘net access is $15/24 hours!

Day 1:

We flew out of Syracuse mostly on-schedule.  The flight to Detroit was uneventful.

Detroit has this incredibly "psychedelic disco tunnel" running under the runway between the two main terminals.  It’s pretty amazing!

We got to Vegas early, actually.  We caught an airport shuttle to our hotel (Mandalay Bay), checked in with a desk clerk named Kyle who has obviously worked here for quite some time.  Watching him operate the keyboard of his computer was a "show" in and of itself! 

We spent the next couple of hours exploring the casino.  It was Sunday night on the off season, so we had no trouble getting around, even though most everything was closed.  The place is AMAZING.  "Huge" just doesn’t even begin to describe it.  We would soon learn that "Opulent" is the best word to describe damn near everything on the strip.  We found a burger bar in the "mall" section of our hotel and had dinner.

Jet lagged, we return to our room at about 9:00 local time, midnight our time, and crash/fall asleep within half an hour.

—–
Day 2:

We awoke at about 5:00a and decided to explore the lower end of the strip on foot.  We had breakfast at McDonald’s across the street from the hotel.  We wandered through our hotel into the Luxor, which–along with Excalibur and MGM Grand and Mandalay Bay–are all owned by the same company.  The lobby of the Luxor is incredible!  I always thought the main pyramid would be full of rooms.  Turns out, the rooms are only along the edge.  The entire inside is hollow and houses the registration desk ,shops, a museum exhibit, bars, and all sorts of things.  The casino is in the basement.  We walked through Luxor, through Excalibur, and out onto the strip.  We wandered up the street making note of things we’d want to see later on when they were actually open; Bellagio fountains, the M&M store, Eiffel Tower at Paris, Las Vegas, etc. We got on the Monorail and took it all the way to the northern terminus and then rode it back down to the MGM Grand.  We crossed the street and caught the tram from Excalibur to Mandalay Bay, made our way back to our room, and had a bit of a rest.

While Amanda tried to nap, I registered with the Players Club and played a little bit of poker, registered for the 3:00 Hold ‘Em tournament, and returned to the room.  Amanda had been unable to sleep, so we went to the Shark Reef Aquarium and had lunch at the hotel’s buffet before my tournament.  I had fun, but did not do well in the tournament.  Amanda had a blast at the spa, getting an eyebrow waxing and a massage.  I joined her in our room where we enjoyed an evening in.

—–
Day 3:

We awoke at a more reasonable hour today.  Lamenting the availability of "cheap eats" that many people seem to talk about, we looked more closely at a deal we had seen at Excalibur.  $30/person, all you can eat, all day long.  It was true!  We bought it, got our bracelets, and had breakfast.  Then we did some shopping and looking around on the lower strip, booked a tour to Hoover Dam for tomorrow, went back to Excalibur for a snack, and then back to our room. 

We took a nap, went for lunch, saw the Titanic exhibit at the Luxor, and then saw Avatar at the UA Theatre just up the street.  We went back to the Excalibur for a light dinner, and retired to our room to watch "Lost".

And now a word about what I have labelled "Tourist Whores".  Around nearly every corner, even at booths in and obviously sanctioned by the hotels, are these annoying creatures.  They are to be avoided at any cost.  You can tell when you are being approached by one of these beasts by the dripping politeness of their mating call: "Will you be in Las Vegas tomorrow?"  The best way to counter their "attack" is with a terse (even rude) "no".  DO NOT BREAK STRIDE.  If they sense weakness they WILL flock to your location and surround you, pelting you with offers of comped hotel rooms and "free" shows.  GET AWAY, get away FAST!

What follows is a story Kyle wrote for his English Language Arts class.  He was given the first line and had to fill two pages with a story that follows.  I have re-typed it here, accurate and true to exactly what he wrote.

For those who don’t know, Kyle is my younger son.  He’s 12 and in 6th grade.

———-

“How could you do this to me!?” screamed the robot as he peered through the small hole. The professor sighed. “I need someone to go to the surface and collect data on the outside world. And since no human would do it…” Robby understood. “But couldn’t you get another robot to do it?” The professor replied by hitting the RELEASE button instead.

The capsule zoomed straight upward, with Robby in it. He had taken tests so that he could survive a jaunt to the outside world, but in his haste, he forgot his special suit to survive the trip. The pod suddenly stopped, and the ride was over. He shakily climbed out, studying the pod for damage. It was beaten up, so he would need to find spare parts to fix it. Robby heard something growling nearby. He stiffened, wondering what to do. He could fight it, but he could die. So he decided to wait. A good move, as it turned out, for a dog jumped into the air, inches from Robby’s nose. He opened a closed eye. It apparently was sniffing it, hunger in its eyes. “There, there boy. I won’t hurt you”. This voice came from nowhere, startling Robby and the dog. A man in a leisure costume came out and patted his knees, leaning forward. Poor guy, he’ll get mauled. As Robby thought this however, the dog leaped into the man’s arms. It was his, apparently. Robby entered this in his database, thinking it would be useful. The man looked up. “And who are you?” Robby took a deep breath and explained his mission. The man nodded. “I know the perfect place to get information.” He pointed toward a large brick building labeled LIBRARY. “It has all kinds of knowledge and wisdom.” Robby thanked the man and rushed to the library.

Inside, there were thousands of books, a very outdated idea, filled with knowledge and wisdom. One of them was an extremely large encyclopedia about the history of the world. He figured it could fit in the pod. But how could he obtain it without attracting attention? He noticed a man taking a large stack of books to a counter that said TAKEOUT. That must be where they take the books out. Thinking he could take this book out, he checked its date. 2017. Perfect. He went to the counter and said, “I’d like to take this book out.” The lady typed something in the computer and stamped his book. “Have a nice day!” she called after him as he left.

He arrived back at the pod and found spare parts in a junkyard to fix it with. After fixing the pod, he connected the professor. There was a pause, than an angry voice rang out, “WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!!!!!!!!!” Robby sighed. It would take forever to tell him the situation. “ Professor, I have obtained the history of their civilization. Their record-keeping process is very primitive. They still use books!” The professor listened, then smiled. “ I will buzz you back to the lab for further debriefing.” He pressed a button, and then the capsule fell through the Earth, eventually coming to a halt. Robby climbed out with the book in hand. The professor chuckled. “ Ah, yes. The history of their society in a single book. It should take a few hours to transfer to our computer records. Bit first, I need to check if it is legit….” He grabbed the book and flipped through the pates. “ Yes, yes, this should do nicely. Now, I’ll just take it to the scanner for safekeeping.” He turned and left the room. Robby wondered if he did the right thing.

After the book was scanned, Robby took the book to the surface world again and returned. As he got ready for bed, wondered if the book was accurate. He went to the computer and started reading the book.

THE END

When you have as many computers to maintain as I do, you try to automate as much as is practical.  I do as much remote maintenance as possible from my office so as not to waste time schlepping all over campus.  (It’s only PART laziness, I assure you!)  However, sometimes there is no substitute for on-site inspection of a problem.

This one particular computer in the Levitt Center has been brought to my office three times because "it’s not working".  I get various reports, from "it’s not working" to "people can’t log in".  Nothing terribly specific.  Each time it comes to my office, I re-image it and send it back.  A few days later, I get another report.

This time, I returned it to Levitt myself.  I hook it up.  It fails to detect network connectivity.  I unplug/re-plug its cable.  I know there’s nothing wrong with the computer, because it was working FINE in my office a scant 5 minutes ago!  I go downstairs and inspect the switch.  There’s a link light, but it only shows a 100Mbit connection.  (This computer is capable of 1000Mbit, as is the switch.)  I go back to my office and check the switch configuration.  The port is properly configured. 

So I take another cable with me and go back to Levitt.  I plug in the computer using the "new" cable and it works.  Success!  But WHY?!  The cable to which it was previously connected was "store-bought", not "hand-made".  Almost none of these things fail!  So I pulled it out of the cabinetry and, on a lark, I look at the end before I toss it in the trash. 

Lo and behold, there is a single, tiny grain of sand lodged in one of the 8 pin slots.  I removed the grain, re-attached the cable and it works just fine now.  No amount of remote management–or even instruction of anyone else in the troubleshooting of this problem–would have led me to this result.  Sometimes, you just have to go see for yourself.